All the Reasons Why…

“She’s a fighter, got that fire when they thought she’d fade away.
Throws a fist up as she gets up, feelin stronger every day.
When she gets down on her knees she finds the courage to believe,
She’s a fighter…”

~Jamie Grace, “Fighter”

 

This week, this is my song. I’m a fighter.

It’s been a really rough week. Though my kids are homeschooled, they still do state testing (which we just don’t like – it’s annoying) and this year it was 4 days this week. I was also without my van – the air conditioning was getting fixed which is a REALLY good thing. Thankfully, I was able to borrow my dad’s vehicle and my van was back in my posession by early Tuesday afternoon!

Sunday I was in the sun quite a bit and though I had on sunblock, I burned. Bad. Did not sleep well that night and even woke myself up in tears early Monday morning from the pain of the burn. Of course, I found out on Monday that the sunblock I used which SAYS it’s SPF 50, only checks out at SPF 15. That explains the pain.

Monday started off easily enough. Just my daughter was doing testing as my son isn’t of age yet, we got her there on time and even picked her up on time. It was a bit rough as I had my nieces and pick up time was the same as nap time. They both slept in the car and wouldn’t take naps, but we survived. I was dealing with the pain and discomfort of that sunburn which also left me exhausted. I usually stay up pretty late and don’t fall asleep very easily, but Monday I passed out hard.

So hard that on Tuesday morning, I found my glasses… broken!!! I wear contacts during the day but I need my glasses in the mornings and evenings. These ones are about 7 years old – prescription and all. Fortunately, I had some cash left from the van AC repair (it was less than my max budget amount) so I was able to order some from one of those “first pair free” websites. But what a way to wake up!! Another day of lots of driving, no naps and cranky preschoolers. Yet again, we survived.

Wednesday morning my son said he wasn’t feeling well. He wasn’t himself so I watched him and let him rest some. By the time we picked up my daughter, he definitely was NOT feeling well. Cue 102.2 fever. ::sigh:: He stayed home from church with my mom while my daughter and I went with my dad. I work in a 4 year old class, so need to be there and as Wednesday night is my kiddos main source of church services, I made sure my daughter went.

Thursday my son was still not feeling well, ended up taking him to the doctor in the midst of all kinds of other running around. Nothing we could do, no strep or ear infection. Just have to ride it out and no meds for the fever unless it’s over 101.5 which means… he is miserable!!! I had so many more errands I needed to do that day (I STILL need groceries), but we had to skip stuff so he could rest and feel better. I was still exhausted from that dang burn and just the amount of stuff I needed to do this week. I didn’t realize it until later, but it was also a VERY taxing day emotionally for me. Things I thought I was over and okay with still got to me and honestly, are still bugging me today.

Friday. It’s Friday. No major plans – just taking my daughter to a thing for school for a couple hours in the afternoon and shopping while she’s there. I ended up completely rearranging my living room when I was intending to dust and vacuum (please tell me I’m not the only one who does this!!!) which was a lot of work, but it looks nice! My son was still running a high fever – still in the 102 range, so he was resting and doing calm stuff. My daughter was all motivated and cleaning her room. I still wasn’t feeling 100% myself, still kinda down but the day was going well.

Then I fell down.

We had just dropped Zoe off and I was walking out of the school when I looked to make sure my son was with me…

I missed a step. And I fell. Hard.

I landed on my hands and one knee.

I hurt. Bad.

My mom asked today how I am and after I told her all that is sore, her response… “At least your face and feet are okay!”

Thanks mom.

I was reminded of this song this morning when it came on during my shower. I am a fighter. So many people have told me lately how much they admire how I’ve handled myself with all I’ve been through the last couple of years.

Honestly, I’m not always what people see. I have my moments. I cry. I break down. I throw my mini temper tantrums. (I am a girl…) It’s not easy doing all this alone. It’s not easy being here today with a sick little boy and a super sore body. It made me super sad to have to cancel all our plans for today – I’ve been looking forward to today for a long time and so have my kids. We don’t often get to spend time with friends – they are busy and the kids are gone every other weekend, so it doesn’t leave a lot of time. And we were gonna get to see friends today.

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I’m still a fighter. I’ll always throw that fist up – even if I need a friend’s help (prayer, smack in the face, whatever) to get it there. The Lord and these kids… they are my reasons. The reason I’m a fighter. The reasons I can pick myself up every single day and keep going. I see their smiles and hear them encouraging me, “It’s okay mama! We will just have a good day at home!” and I choose to fight. I may not feel strong at this moment, but I know I’m getting stronger every day.

Be strong. Be a fighter. If you ask Him to be, you can have  Jesus in your corner like I do.

Now I’m gonna go ice my knee some more. Have a blessed weekend.

About Alicia

Alicia is a Jesus loving, homeschooling, mini-van driving, food loving, gluten-free-cuz-I-have-to-be, fun loving, choir mamaing, bike riding, So Cal born and raised solo mama to 2 amazing kiddos with 3 cats, a ginormous dog and the 2 cutest nieces ever! She had a deep passion for cooking and baking that left with her Celiac disease diagnosis in 2013, but has now returned as she experiments with and tests recipes to make them delicious and enjoyable even without the gluten! You can find all sorts of random thoughts, ideas and whatever else pops into her completely random mind right here at Big Black Trash Bag!
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